


Better Than I Know Myself

by islasands



Series: Lambski [21]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: How it began..., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-15
Updated: 2011-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-27 08:57:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is their last night at Bora Bora. The evening's tropical storm, which signals the ending of the day, is like the storm of self-protective indecision in Adam's heart, as he faces Sauli's departure...</p><p>But Sauli knows him better than he knows himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than I Know Myself

In the evening the clouds gathered in the west, as they always did, to play the maestoso movement – the majestic finish to the symphony of the day.  Their instruments of lightning and rain lit up the horizon. The sea, which in sunlight had seemed full of contentment in her size and temperature and fluctuations, now darkened with the restlessness of something that has been cooped up. Rain, as though it too was escaping confinement, fell wildly into that restlessness. It swept across the pier below their chalet right up to the open doors and into the eyes of a man standing in the doorway.

“Do you want me to be with you,” Sauli asked. He too was standing in a doorway, but it was the doorway to the bedroom they had shared for almost a week.

“No,” Adam said. He pulled the hood up on his jacket. He walked out of the chalet. Sauli watched him walking to the end of the pier, aware that the manner of Adam’s exit had a quality of ‘not looking back’ to it. Perhaps this was what he wanted. The week had been magically low key. They had spent time the way children do, one moment absorbed in their own worlds, the next playing uproarious and silly games together. But it wasn’t like that when they fucked, not when the sheets were so white, and the sea almost lapped against their bed, and the moon, when it finally came out, was as intense in its exposing sweep of the landscape as their gazes were, looking for evidence of something in each other’s eyes, skin, flesh. Not that either of them knew what he was looking for; it was a blind, speechless fluency of searching, like currents deep beneath the sea.

And now, on the point of departure, they had risen to the surfaces of their individual lives. Sauli would return to Finland, Adam to America. Perhaps this was all they could expect from one another,- a week’s holiday in the Pacific, a lot of laughter and talk, some ruggedly splendid and tender sex, and then home. Goodnight and goodbye. Shit happens. Sometimes things end before they begin. Sauli flinched bodily with distaste at that thought. He stopped thinking and switched on his gut.

He crossed the room to get a better look at the dark figure standing at the end of the pier. There he was, looking so lost in the rain. His heart suddenly went out to him and he followed its impulse. He walked across the deck, and down the steps, and headed down the pier. The cold and wet sensation on the soles of his bare feet confirmed to him the soaking wet truth of his feelings. He went up to Adam, who turned slowly to look at him, his expression unwelcoming, almost hostile.

“You can have me,” Sauli said.

The shock of his statement was matched by a sudden flash of lightning that briefly cast them in the frame of a black and white photograph. The moment persisted with exactly that pictorial sense of suspended time; Adam stared at Sauli and Sauli stared back. Rain ran down Sauli’s cheeks. The sea pushed up its chest as though taking a breath. The clouds loomed above them as though on the brink of a deluge.

Adam frowned. “ _Have_ you,” he said.

“Yes. I know it is what you want. And I say you can have me.”

Adam put his head back so the rain could strike his face. He reached out, unseeing, and took hold of Sauli. He roughly pulled him against his body. He could not hold him close enough. 

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From VEVO: Better Than I Know Myself  


  
VEVO Link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9ZVIAbDr_w 


End file.
